Gone Girl

Hi

I've been with my gf for 2 years 2 months and it was love at first sight. We met online and realised we lived in the same town about 400 yards from each other.

We went clubbing as she Is quite the party girl, likes to drink and forget her worries and that's one of a million reasons why I love her so much.

The first year of our relationship was the typical fairy tale, we told each other how much we love each other and want to be this way forever. It was a dream that everyone wanted.

The second year however has been tough. In November last year, we found out we was expecting our little baby together which was fantastic news but it wasn't an easy pregnancy (both have kids from previous relationships) she was constantly in pain, being sick and found it hard to be a normal mother. Then she lost one of her horses that she adored so much, I supported her as much as I could but she put on a brave face and marched on. Finally her dad fell ill with cancer, he lives in the highlands of Scotland so she doesn't see him often but that's what's upsetting her most I think. But to top it all off, now she isn't pregnant, she wants to party again and have her me time, which I understand but our time has vanished. I get extremely jealous when she does go out because that's the only time I see her smile :( when she gets in, usually early hours of the morning, I interrogate her asking her about whether other men have been around her. I'm my own worst enemy because I imagine situations that never happened and believe what never exists.

I had the courage last night to ask her if this relationship is worth saving, she replied I do not know. I asked if she loves me and again the answer was I do not know. I broke there and then, I didn't know how to be anymore. So I asked where do we go from here and she asked me for a break where I move out, restrict contact so she can have space and time to think about what she wants.

Today is the day Iove out and I won't see her or maybe here from her till her head has been cleared and she can concentrate on exactly what she wants.

I'm lost without her, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I feel sick all the time, I'm shaking all the time for I do not know if the outcome is going to be what I hope for but time is needed to pass and as I cry typing this, I fear the answer is there, written on her face but is going to take time for the answer.

I must do what it takes to stop being a jealous man if I'm ever going to prove what I'm worth and in time I hope she sees me as she did before